In early 1998 I went through a situation that most individuals experience at some point in their lives. An experience that leaves you asking questions of yourself...and of others...but mainly of yourself. Oddly enough, the primary question is usually "Why?", and it's repeated over, and over, and over again.
Regardless, a year later I wrote the following. I'm not quite sure why I wrote it. Maybe I felt I had nothing better to do at that point and was looking to fill the time (that could be said of this very moment). Or maybe enough time had finally passed and I was able to finally loosen myself from the grip of misery and disappointment that had held on to me for so long. Nonetheless, I liked it enough when I finished writing it and it's been in my log ever since. I once saw a motto for despair: "It's always darkest before it goes pitch black." The fact is, there's truth to that. This was my truth that even pitch black moments may have a light...may...
"...Dusk has befallen over the land. The dim glimmer of twinkling lights rests upon the chilled Earth. She, although surrounded by life, encompassed by motion, setting beneath the masses, and looked down upon by the heaves above, like me...is alone. As she is lost within a vast and unknown universe, so am I lost in a world while struggling to stay alfloat in my mind chaotic. All the while praying for an inspiration to deliver peace to my inner-most being. My mental, emotional, and soon to be physical atmospheres are in turmoil. My heart reaces with ice and fear, fighting to maintain; the life renders it beyond shock. I feel no contemptment. I see nothing of much...and much of nothing. I look to the heavens above, and then deeper into them, searching for a piece of a peace. Something should bring me this. Something...somewhere...somehow. Am I destined to suffer a fate which has consumed so many? Be it I who must remain to exist with a heart of ice, a love lost, and a frost so cold as to chill the sun? I search further. The path I am upon continues to lose its warmth as the journey continues. Knowing not where I am, knowing not where I am going, I continue my quest for I know where I want to be. The search continues...
Dreary...weak...confusion...misdirection...regret...sadness...my traveling companions. They are my company...my confidants. Though we are not the best of friends, their presence is slightly welcome. They are the key...the bare essence of my mission. A reminder is the purpose they serve, keeping me in constant realization of my quest. Will my quest come to an end? Good question. What is the end I am destined? That is a question within itself...a part of my excursion.
A door opens; an inspiration is in sight. Reach it? Knowledge does not bear the ability to acknowledge wisdom, yet wisdom bears the ability to acknowledge knowledge. I have done neither. An actualization to a realization is what I claim. Realizing that I know and understand my goal is an inspiration. And within this inspiration I find a sense of satisfaction; within this satisfaction is a feeling of peace.
I begin to relax. The rush in my mind begins its descension in its speed of motion. The tension I felt within loosens its grip. Realization has brought upon me an aire of relaxation. The heart warms, the ice thaws, and the chill subsides. My spheres of being descend from turmoil, looking for its own idea of tranquility. A search far from over, yet underway. The sun beings to warm the hearth anew. My confidants leave me be, as their companionship is no longer needed...nor desired. Contentment now sits by my side as we view the dawning of a new state of mind. And from this chaos comes enlightenment."
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Reflections
It's been a while since I have added anything to this blog. I would have to say since 2009 by the looks of my last posting. Nonetheless, I haven't forgotten that this site exists, and I felt that it was high time I contribute.
A lot has happened in the past 3 years. In fact, a lot more has happened just within the past several months, but this post isn't for a recap of my life's events. It's more or less to put down some reflections that I was re-introduced to today. Quick flashback: back in 1996, I would sit down to a dimly lit desk and start to write. I really didn't pay attention to what I was putting down on paper, I just knew that I wanted to write something. I've done that a few times since then...either writing original pieces of my own, or taking down words of wisdom that I've encountered over the years and tried to live by. I say "tried" because...well...nobody is perfect, but we'd all like to think that we're making improvements upon ourselves and doing well towards others.
In either case, what follows is from something I scribbled in 2000. Simple reflections that meant enough to me to make me write them in my little log book. I'm sure they're probably older than when I noted them, but I feel that they hold true today. Who knows, you might even find yourself reflecting on them and trying to make a change for yourself after reading.
1. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
2. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find that you still care for that person.
3. When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often time we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
4. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with...never saying a word...and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
5. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it. But it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
6. There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person who you would like to hear from. But don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from their heart.
7. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; in the end it fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
8. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
9. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word my wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
11. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
12. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go on well in life until you let go of all your past failure and heartaches.
A lot has happened in the past 3 years. In fact, a lot more has happened just within the past several months, but this post isn't for a recap of my life's events. It's more or less to put down some reflections that I was re-introduced to today. Quick flashback: back in 1996, I would sit down to a dimly lit desk and start to write. I really didn't pay attention to what I was putting down on paper, I just knew that I wanted to write something. I've done that a few times since then...either writing original pieces of my own, or taking down words of wisdom that I've encountered over the years and tried to live by. I say "tried" because...well...nobody is perfect, but we'd all like to think that we're making improvements upon ourselves and doing well towards others.
In either case, what follows is from something I scribbled in 2000. Simple reflections that meant enough to me to make me write them in my little log book. I'm sure they're probably older than when I noted them, but I feel that they hold true today. Who knows, you might even find yourself reflecting on them and trying to make a change for yourself after reading.
1. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
2. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find that you still care for that person.
3. When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often time we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
4. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with...never saying a word...and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
5. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it. But it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
6. There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person who you would like to hear from. But don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from their heart.
7. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; in the end it fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
8. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
9. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word my wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
11. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
12. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go on well in life until you let go of all your past failure and heartaches.
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