In early 1998 I went through a situation that most individuals experience at some point in their lives. An experience that leaves you asking questions of yourself...and of others...but mainly of yourself. Oddly enough, the primary question is usually "Why?", and it's repeated over, and over, and over again.
Regardless, a year later I wrote the following. I'm not quite sure why I wrote it. Maybe I felt I had nothing better to do at that point and was looking to fill the time (that could be said of this very moment). Or maybe enough time had finally passed and I was able to finally loosen myself from the grip of misery and disappointment that had held on to me for so long. Nonetheless, I liked it enough when I finished writing it and it's been in my log ever since. I once saw a motto for despair: "It's always darkest before it goes pitch black." The fact is, there's truth to that. This was my truth that even pitch black moments may have a light...may...
"...Dusk has befallen over the land. The dim glimmer of twinkling lights rests upon the chilled Earth. She, although surrounded by life, encompassed by motion, setting beneath the masses, and looked down upon by the heaves above, like me...is alone. As she is lost within a vast and unknown universe, so am I lost in a world while struggling to stay alfloat in my mind chaotic. All the while praying for an inspiration to deliver peace to my inner-most being. My mental, emotional, and soon to be physical atmospheres are in turmoil. My heart reaces with ice and fear, fighting to maintain; the life renders it beyond shock. I feel no contemptment. I see nothing of much...and much of nothing. I look to the heavens above, and then deeper into them, searching for a piece of a peace. Something should bring me this. Something...somewhere...somehow. Am I destined to suffer a fate which has consumed so many? Be it I who must remain to exist with a heart of ice, a love lost, and a frost so cold as to chill the sun? I search further. The path I am upon continues to lose its warmth as the journey continues. Knowing not where I am, knowing not where I am going, I continue my quest for I know where I want to be. The search continues...
Dreary...weak...confusion...misdirection...regret...sadness...my traveling companions. They are my company...my confidants. Though we are not the best of friends, their presence is slightly welcome. They are the key...the bare essence of my mission. A reminder is the purpose they serve, keeping me in constant realization of my quest. Will my quest come to an end? Good question. What is the end I am destined? That is a question within itself...a part of my excursion.
A door opens; an inspiration is in sight. Reach it? Knowledge does not bear the ability to acknowledge wisdom, yet wisdom bears the ability to acknowledge knowledge. I have done neither. An actualization to a realization is what I claim. Realizing that I know and understand my goal is an inspiration. And within this inspiration I find a sense of satisfaction; within this satisfaction is a feeling of peace.
I begin to relax. The rush in my mind begins its descension in its speed of motion. The tension I felt within loosens its grip. Realization has brought upon me an aire of relaxation. The heart warms, the ice thaws, and the chill subsides. My spheres of being descend from turmoil, looking for its own idea of tranquility. A search far from over, yet underway. The sun beings to warm the hearth anew. My confidants leave me be, as their companionship is no longer needed...nor desired. Contentment now sits by my side as we view the dawning of a new state of mind. And from this chaos comes enlightenment."
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Reflections
It's been a while since I have added anything to this blog. I would have to say since 2009 by the looks of my last posting. Nonetheless, I haven't forgotten that this site exists, and I felt that it was high time I contribute.
A lot has happened in the past 3 years. In fact, a lot more has happened just within the past several months, but this post isn't for a recap of my life's events. It's more or less to put down some reflections that I was re-introduced to today. Quick flashback: back in 1996, I would sit down to a dimly lit desk and start to write. I really didn't pay attention to what I was putting down on paper, I just knew that I wanted to write something. I've done that a few times since then...either writing original pieces of my own, or taking down words of wisdom that I've encountered over the years and tried to live by. I say "tried" because...well...nobody is perfect, but we'd all like to think that we're making improvements upon ourselves and doing well towards others.
In either case, what follows is from something I scribbled in 2000. Simple reflections that meant enough to me to make me write them in my little log book. I'm sure they're probably older than when I noted them, but I feel that they hold true today. Who knows, you might even find yourself reflecting on them and trying to make a change for yourself after reading.
1. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
2. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find that you still care for that person.
3. When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often time we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
4. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with...never saying a word...and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
5. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it. But it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
6. There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person who you would like to hear from. But don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from their heart.
7. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; in the end it fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
8. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
9. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word my wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
11. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
12. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go on well in life until you let go of all your past failure and heartaches.
A lot has happened in the past 3 years. In fact, a lot more has happened just within the past several months, but this post isn't for a recap of my life's events. It's more or less to put down some reflections that I was re-introduced to today. Quick flashback: back in 1996, I would sit down to a dimly lit desk and start to write. I really didn't pay attention to what I was putting down on paper, I just knew that I wanted to write something. I've done that a few times since then...either writing original pieces of my own, or taking down words of wisdom that I've encountered over the years and tried to live by. I say "tried" because...well...nobody is perfect, but we'd all like to think that we're making improvements upon ourselves and doing well towards others.
In either case, what follows is from something I scribbled in 2000. Simple reflections that meant enough to me to make me write them in my little log book. I'm sure they're probably older than when I noted them, but I feel that they hold true today. Who knows, you might even find yourself reflecting on them and trying to make a change for yourself after reading.
1. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
2. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find that you still care for that person.
3. When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often time we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
4. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with...never saying a word...and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
5. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it. But it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
6. There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person who you would like to hear from. But don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from their heart.
7. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; in the end it fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
8. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
9. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word my wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
11. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
12. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go on well in life until you let go of all your past failure and heartaches.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Passing The Time Away...
It's December 17th, 2009. The time is now 10:35pm and I once again find myself sitting in an airport...passing the time away. And what better time than now to blog about stuff, especially since I have another hour to go before my flight leaves. I guess this may be one of those blogs where I look at things that have been going on over the past bit of time. I mean, it's been a while since my last post. Not that anyone is really reading this, but still, I like to think that I have a following. It makes it worthwhile...even if it's just one.
So here's the skinny of my most recent endeavors over the past few months:
1. Back in late August through early September, I made a trip to Denver for two weeks. My company decided they wanted to invest in me and introduce me to a new ERP system. So I flew to Colorado and went through two weeks of crash course training. It wasn't all work though. I met some interesting people (none of whom I have spoken to since the training) and got a chance to get out and enjoy the sights and sounds of The Mile High City. To add to it, my anniversary was at the end of the month, so I flew my wife up and we celebrated up there. It was a good way to celebrate. Two years straight we've been somewhere other than home during our anniversary. Sounds like the start of a good tradition if you ask me. Definitely one that I'd like to keep going if I have it my way. (Some girl just walked past with her lips all poked out, looking like she's hung over, and squeezing her belly fat. Now she's just shaking it like a drunken Santa Claus. Hey, I said I was in an airport.) Needless to say, the Denver trip was good and it set me up for the next thing that took place.
2. So after I finished my two weeks in Denver, I was "stationed" in Boca Raton, FL. This place could probably best be described as the retirement community for the rich. All you see there are high-end cars, well dressed individuals in them, and dogs no bigger than chipmunks wearing t-shirts and scarfs that probably cost more than my winter coat. Yes, it's that type of place. Luckily, the beach was close by (which I never saw), and the only saving grace was Florida-Internal University which was down the street. They helped supply the youth of the place, so it didn't turn out to be all that bad. Overall, the project wasn't all that bad, and the location wasn't that bad either. I didn't get out that much as I normally would, but I made the best of it anyway. I was there for about a month and then I ended up leaving and heading off elsewhere.
3. I forgot to add that I started a little side gig somewhere between Denver and Boca. I now have gus4 Photography! I got started in photography a while ago; you can check the blog out here. But I decided to move it to a business a few months ago. I've had a few good clients, and I've learned a lot with them. They've helped me progress and develop my "eye".
4. I took a week off and went to Thailand. It was a much needed vacation (this came after my time in Boca). I actually saw a few new places that I hadn't seen from my first trip there. We landed in Bangkok and also traveled to Hua Hin. Big beach, open water and all the smiling a person can stand. Though I only saw the beach once, it was still worth the trip. I also visited a lot of the night markets and bazaars while I was there. This place is awesome when it comes to shopping! You can negotiate just about anything! Just try not to be TOO greedy. Sometimes you can lose yourself thinking that a number is too high, and you forget to convert it to your personal currency and you end up walking away from a really good deal that you would otherwise not come close to having back at home. Uaintnevalied racks up when she's there, and did so again this trip. Her mom made out like a bandit! After a week, it was time to return back home for me, while the rest stayed behind for a few more days.
5. So after I return back, I get changed to another project. San Francisco. Fun place, lots to do and see, and some of the best skyline pictures you can imagine. Let's not forget the Golden Gate. Aside from the red-eye flights, it's a pretty good gig. I have an awesome team I'm working with, and everyone gets along pretty well.
And that brings us back to here. My flight tonight has me taking a 3-hour layover in Las Vegas. I've already had dinner, won about $60 in a slot machine in the airport (don't ask me how I did it), and I'm now awaiting the plane while watching people walk by and realizing that booze, gambling and prostitutes do not go well for some people while they are here (and this poor girl is still walking around shaking her belly fat...what's up with that?!?). Needless to say, I'm having a good time while I'm sitting here. The array of individuals passing before me are providing an endless amount of hidden giggles and chuckles that I may no longer be able to contain. What more can I say...it's Vegas!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
